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Thursday, July 06, 2006
Things are not the good at werk.....im feeling down at werk due to some incidents here n there which actually affected me so badly but i rather not talk bout it in details. I guess I just will wait and see how long more i can endure all this.....
I can feel myself having all kind 0f mixed-emotions.......arrghhhh i don know y maybe due to the stress at werk i guess
Aside from that lately i keep on thinking of my other 2 babies that had left the world and are now im sure is in safe hand of Allah....... hmmm im sure they must be very happy der.......Mummy will always sedekah kan Al-Fatihah for both of u..don worry...both of u are never forgotten..never....
3 years ago on this day,it was the happiest moment in my life(i thought so)... i found out i was 5 weeks pregnant....of course i tink im the most excited lady on earth!But never did i thought the happiness will come to a tragic end so soon! Soon after i suffered bleeding but after thorough chk,confirmed baby was ok....during my 2 1/2 mths reglar chk up, as usual i went from werk,hubby was seldom with me due to his werk and i was left on my own most of the time and im getting use to it.....but on that day i just dont feel rite and ask my mum to accompany me...
As i went for scanning,very excited to hear the updates....but..den.....wen the scanning was done...doc g ave me a very "oh-no-how-im-gonna-break-the-news-to-her" look.... i sense something is not right... i keep on asking but she told me to hold on as she had to call her senior to come down after much probing n discussion..they finally broke the news"Ur baby was already dead 2 weeks ago" *SLAP*
That moment i felt the world comes crashing down....i broke down...cried like a small kid who lost her mum, i cant hardly stand........knees were shaking and trembling....cant walk...nurse had to push me to my gynae room..........i could hear ppl comforting me but all i want to be that very moment is away from them ..far away from them but close to my baby....i loss my sense...i tink im like one mad woman crying non-stop.... i don want to eat or drink...all i want is my baby...oh my...only God knows how i felt that time!
2 months later.. i went thru the same ordeal again....all over again....till i have phobia of getiing pregnant again......scared og loosing another baby again....gav myself a break till Feb 04,wer i decided to try again,dis time everthing went smoothly (except the end of the last trimester& the giving birth lah hahaha)
So u ppl out there shold know why my son is so precious to me........he's everything to me and hubby...he really brighten up our life..Thanks Rizq Rayyan.
Hmm.... i wonder why suddenly im bringing up the past...hmm i guess i just have to pen down some of my thoughts ...........
Im just feeling so down............arrgh someone pls help me!
♥ a butterfly landed @
12:56:00 AM
